From the recording Tall Tales and Therefore Truths

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Written by Mark Brine

1. Stinky and Pete... Well, we all know them... those instigating two
The terrors of Troop 60... notorious world-wide for all the messes they get into

2. Well, gather close and let me fill you in on another episode of theirs... yeah,
All about Nursey and the Aspergum Capers and one of their many of Summer Camp years

3. Well, it all began with Stinky, per usual and his love for Aspergum... Yeah, he’d
chew it like crazy about a box a day and by night, he’d be out of it, and craving some

4. And the only source, where he could get it, of course was at the Camp’s First Aid Cabin on the hill
So, every morning, like clockwork, he’d be seen tramping up there and faking that he was ill

5. And Petey, right behind him... no, it never failed and Nursey, she’d just be waiting on them
Knowing they was coming, just as sure as the afternoon with that same ole sob story again

6. “Nursey, I can’t explain it, but I feel real bad like, as if, I was going to die”
Trying to hold her laugh, she’d always give in real soon rather than to have to sit there and listen to him lie

7. “Here you go, Stinky... Now, this might do it. Do you think some ASPERGUM will do the trick?”
“Oh, yes, Miss Nursey... just thinkin’ about it already I ain’t feelin’ sick!”

8. Then, off they’d tramp, back down the hill while Nursey’d just shake her head... Stinky,
Pockets-full, and strutting like some Prince who’d just slayed his first Dragon down dead

9. Now, Stinky rarely shared his treasure but, that was okay with Pete ‘cause, he knew that
It was his buddy, Stinky’s.. favorite thing in this world to eat

10. Now, let me point out here and make it very clear to all you young listening ears
Stinky never abused this medicine and ate too many at a time
No, just the amount that was specified there

11. No, if anything can be said of Stinky’s very-empty head... At least, he had enough sense to know that you never over-do, when it comes to pharmaceutical ... yeah, he was always
Hip-enough to take it slow

12. So, he’d time it to the minute like the directions read until the box didn’t rattle like before
Yeah, when it came to that, he’d start planning and scheming about how he’d come up with some more

13. Well, one fine morning, right after Breakfast Mess... Pete and Stinky sat folding their hands
In Nursey’s office when in walked this stranger in medical garb... Yeah, you know, some big wig and Doctor-type man

14. As curious as can be after getting Stinky’s rations... they left and instead hung around outside
Near an open window from where the voices came of Nursey and that Doctor inside

15. “Doc, I really hate to say this but, I believe he’s only got about a week, at the most
Yeah, that fat, little thing is sicker than he thinks... Already he’s starting to look like some ghost!”

16. Well, sure enough, when Petey glanced up Ole Stinky WAS as white as a sheet! And,
Swaying about as much as if some big wind had come and blown him, off-balance ‘n
Practically off of his feet!

17. “Did you hear that, Petey... I’m gonna die! as young and good-looking as I am! Can you
Just imagine, what the future’s gonna lose just knowing I’m never gonna grow up to be a man?”

18. Petey looked real puzzled and like he was trying to figure just what in the world would be the great loss... While Stinky started running down the hillside path moving as fast as if he’d been physically tossed

19. Then, out come Miss Nursey saying “Petey, come here... tell me, what is the problem with Stinky today?” “Miss Nursey, he heard you telling the Doctor he was fixin’ to pass away”

20. “Now ain’t that silly” she replied with a smile “I was just talking about Russell, my cat
See, Mr. Enos he’s a veterinarian and a very old friend of mine, at that!”

21. “No, there ain’t nothing wrong with Stinky... Nothing that a good couple of spankings wouldn’t cure. Why, he’ll probably be around, ‘til the end of time if everybody else around him can endure!”

22. Well, Petey took off after Stinky heading straight towards the 60’s Troopsite
But, about half way there, he come to a stop... as a brainstorm of his came to light

23. Then, scuffling along, he really got to thinking and by the time he’d made it back to the Troopsite and found Stinky lying on his bunk, he’d already strategically figured it to work out just right

24. “Hey, Stinky... seeing you’re gonna die ‘n all... Do you think I could have your Jack knife and canteen? I know it might seem like the wrong time to ask but, it’ll just go to waste, if you know what I mean?”

25. “‘N now that we’re on the subject... that mosquito netting... it’s a whole lot better than mine
Do you suppose I could try it out tonight seeing’s you got just ... just so little time?”

26. Stinky looked up at him with tear-filled eyes, saying “Petey, you’ve been my life-long friend..
Why, it’d be my pleasure to give it to you all... there’s no reason to even ask again”

27. Well, that evening it rained and by mid-night, when it stopped... there was an epidemic of
Mosquitoes everywhere… Yeah, swarms of them, and lucky for sleeping Petey, not a single, little one got near

28. But, now, on the other hand, sleeping-in-his-shorts, uncovered ole Stinky was using Petey’s old net... with holes ‘a many, like a piece of Swiss cheese and the full course meal was just laying there to get!

29. So, in they came and doing their thing... they left Stinky with about a million little bumps
And when he went to get up the next morning... it looked like his whole body had a case of the SUPER-DUPER MUMPS!

30. So, leading him up ‘n out of his bunk, like some Frankenstein... Troop 60 pulling his hands like the ropes of a blimp... While Petey just sat there very nervously twiddling on a string of gimp

31. Well, about a week went by, and Petey still hadn’t visited Ole Stinky, still hospitalized on the hill... Knowing fully well, by now, Stinky knew the truth and more than likely had his temper up to kill!

32. And, sure enough, he was right and when Stinky finally got better... they run up on each other on the main road and through the dust they left behind them, you could see them disappearing... Petey running as fast as he could go

33. “What a fine mess YOU got ME in, this time!” yelled Stinky as he chased him over the hill
‘n up and down the dale you could see them keep going... and I betcha he’s chasin’ him still!

34. So, let this serve as an example to never take advantage of anybody... least of all, a friend
‘cause, it always turns out bad... and if you don’t believe me... we’ll ask Petey if him and Stinky ever come back this way again

“Petey!... I’m gonna kill you!... you slow down, you skinny little nincompoop! I’m gonna ring your bloomin’ little neck!... Petey!... Petey!...

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